The Proper Way to Ask for a Referral (7 Steps)

A typical intern class for investment banking has 40 spots.

35 of those are reserved for target school kids.

Thousands of non-targets submit resumes trying to land one of the five leftover.

Most kids don’t realize that blindly submitting your resume is a lost cause.

The only non-targets that get invited to interview are the ones with REFERRALS.

A banker needs to push your resume to HR with their stamp of approval.

This lets you bypass the initial screen & will automatically get you a first round.

Asking for referrals is super awkward if you take the wrong approach.

Bankers won’t refer you if they feel like you’re just using them.

They network with dozens of kids & only push resumes for a select few.

You need to strategically build these relationships in a genuine way to stand out from the pack.

Here was my strategy to gradually develop genuine relationships with bankers.

It involves a sequence of follow-up interactions & an in-person chat at the end to ask for the referral.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

• STEP 1 - FINDING CONTACTS

• STEP 2 - COLD EMAIL

• STEP 3 - NETWORKING CALL

• STEP 4 - THANK YOU EMAIL

• STEP 5 - PROGRESS UPDATE EMAIL

• STEP 6 - SCHEDULE IN-PERSON TRIP

• STEP 7 - ASK FOR REFERRAL

STEP 1 - FINDING CONTACTS

Bankers you have shared commonalities with are 10x more likely to refer you.

I used LinkedIn to specifically target bankers I had stuff in common with.

Here were six of the angles I used that worked best for me.

• Hockey Players

• Alumni

• Grew Up In Same State / Area

• College Athletes

• Big Ten Alumni

• Beta Alpha Psi

STEP 2 - COLD EMAIL

Here is an example of a cold email I sent during recruitment sophomore year.

There are a few key components you need if you want them to respond.

• (1) COMMONALITY CLEAR & OBVIOUS

  Make the commonality clear & obvious in the subject line. Otherwise they won’t open the email. Also add a brief elaboration on the connection you’re trying to make in the first paragraph. This banker played college lacrosse. In the third sentence, I detailed how I’m a forward on our school’s hockey team which implies the commonality.

• (2) OPENING SENTENCE

  Never start with “I hope this email finds you well”. It’s a dead giveaway you’re pasting from a template. Change it slightly based on the day of the week or if there was a popular event / holiday. Something as simple as “I hope your Wednesday is off to a great start” works.

• (3) CREDIT CARD RULE

  If you hold your credit card up to your computer, the length shouldn't exceed the height of the card. Keep it to those three brief “paragraphs” I have in the above.

• (4) ATTACH RESUME

• (5) DON’T SEND AVAILABILITY YET - You should be the one working around their schedule.

STEP 3 - NETWORKING CALL

These calls are 99% personality tests.

Most kids don’t understand that & try to show off by asking a bunch of fancy banking questions.

Truth is - most bankers want a break from talking about banking.

The last thing they want is to spend the spare 30min they do have getting grilled by some college kid.

This means that the more non-banking talk you can do, the better.

That’s how you separate yourself & build genuine, personal connections.

If they like you on a personal level, they’ll be 10x more likely to push your resume to HR.

Here are a few pro tips on how to approach these calls.

• TIP 1 - PLAN YOUR SMALL TALK

  When they ask “How are you?” when picking up the phone - NEVER say “Good, how are you?…” You need to have a detailed, specific answer prepared that strategically hints at your common interest.

  For example if I was talking to a fellow college hockey player, I’d respond with something like

  “…doing pretty great!…actually kind of exhausted though…just got back from hockey practice and we had a conditioning skate this morning…” or “…been a pretty fantastic start to the week!…mostly just been settling in after a long hockey road trip this past weekend…”

  That would then bait them into responding by sharing how they could relate, which would then lead to a 20min tangent conversation about hockey. The extended small talk is what builds trust & the true personal connection you’re looking for.

• TIP 2 - SET THE AGENDA

  It’s your job to formally state an agenda as soon as the small talk dies down.

  This involves you outlining how you’d like to structure the call & asking if that works for them.

  I repeated these four sentences on all 78 of my calls.

  • “Yea so Jason I just wanted to say thank you again for taking the time to chat today…really appreciate you being so generous with your time especially given how busy you guys have been like you mentioned earlier…”

  • “…so I know I sent over my resume in that initial email, but what I was thinking for this call is that I could start off by giving a brief overview of my background…”

  • “…and then after that I’d love to hear a little bit more about you and your background and what brought you to where you are today at Bank of America if that sounds good to you…”

  • “…and then I just had some follow-up questions as well I’d love to ask if possible…”

  They’ll then say “Yep…works for me…” & from there you just dive into your elevator pitch.

• TIP 3 - REHEARSE YOUR ELEVATOR PITCH

  Your two minute elevator pitch should follow this four part framework.

  • PART 1 - CONTEXT

    Quick few sentences on your background. Mention where you’re from, what took up most of your time growing up & the story of what brought you to choose your college & major.

  • PART 2 - BUSINESS / FINANCE SPARK

    Over-simplify how it actually happened & claim it was one specific person, event or experience that “sparked” your interest in finance / investment banking.

  • PART 3 - GROWING INTEREST

    Provide evidence of how you’ve taken action to deepen that interest after the initial spark. This should follow a logical narrative where each step naturally transitions into the next.

  • PART 4 - WHY YOU’RE HERE TODAY

    How the story you just told brings you right to this very moment in this call for this firm. Why this firm & specific internship is the perfect fit for your long-term plans based on that self-discovery path you just explained.

• TIP 4 - DON’T INTERROGATE

  Most kids sound like robots & just read off the laundry list of questions they prepared.

  Every question should be a “follow-up” that's a natural progression based on something the banker mentioned in their previous response. Here’s how the back-and-forth should go.

  When it’s your turn to speak, first respond with a 30sec spiel pointing out something specific they said that resonated with you. Then transition into the next question by prompting an open-ended response with something like

  “...so I guess along with that…I was also curious to hear more about the placement process and what that specifically looked like for you at Bank of America...”

  “...I know you briefly mentioned how it was between healthcare and consumer for you and how you ended up in healthcare…”

  “...so could you maybe expand a bit more on that process and how your group is setup within BofA as well with what the typical deal team looks like and how much interaction you have with the other groups?..."

STEP 4 - THANK YOU EMAIL

Send a thank you email on the same chain the morning after the call.

If the call was on a Friday, send it first thing Monday morning.

Here is an example of a thank you email I sent.

Make sure to mention a specific detail or two they shared on the call to show you were listening.

You can also ask if there is anyone else they’d recommend reaching out to next.

STEP 5 - PROGRESS UPDATE EMAIL

The next step is to send follow-up emails to the bankers you had the best calls with.

Send these on the same chain a few weeks after the initial convo to stay on their radar.

At the end of every call, you should be asking for specific advice they have for recruitment.

The follow-up email should be a few brief sentences explaining how you’ve implemented their advice.

No need to suggest a second call.

Just ask if they have any additional advice or recommendations for people to reach out to at their firm.

STEP 6 - SCHEDULE IN-PERSON TRIP

The easiest way to separate yourself from the pack is to ask for your referrals in person.

Instead of going to Cancun over spring break, I booked a flight to Manhattan & packed every weekday with back-to-back coffee chats.

The goal of these chats was to convert my best networking calls into first round invites / referrals.

Taking that one extra step in the crucial weeks before banks kick off interviews is the biggest hack.

It’ll immediately make you stand out from the pool of other non-targets who blend together as just another voice on the phone to them.

In mid February, I sent follow-up emails to the 30 bankers I hit it off best with on the phone.

Just reply on the same email chain as the initial networking call with something like this.

I didn’t officially book my flight until I had five chats on my calendar every weekday.

Here’s what my Google Calendar looked like for that week.

STEP 7 - ASK FOR REFERRAL

You need to send an email reminder the day before every chat.

These chats are scheduled over a month in advance, so double check the time & location still works.

Make sure you get to the coffee shop 30min early dressed in full suit no tie.

Bring hardcopies of your resume printed on thick resume paper.

Once you get there, send another email on the same chain to let them know how to identify you.

Something like this.

Go shake their hand once they walk in & walk up to the counter with them to order. This is a crucial opportunity to spark up some small talk that can deepen the personal connection.

Also make sure to at least order something. You should also make the gesture & offer to pay, even though they’ll never end up letting you.

The chat itself will be easy since you already hit it off over the phone. The hard part comes at the end when you bring up the referral.

You need to capitalize on the in-person opportunity & directly ask for what you really want.

Bringing it up can feel awkward though, so you have to segway into it with some smooth talk.

Around the 20-25min mark, I’d wait for whatever topic we were discussing to fizzle out, then say

“I’ve been meaning to ask too…since first rounds are coming up soon…do you happen to have any insight on when you guys might be formally kicking off? No worries if not…I just wanted to see if you had an idea of the timeline for your guys’ process…”

They were in your shoes once & know the reason you’re networking is to get a referral. So don’t be shy!

If you’ve already hit it off over the phone with them & had the chance to deepen that connection face-to-face for another 20min, you should be confident they like you. They don’t give that much time of day to everyone.

At this point, my in-person chats typically took the lead & told me when I should expect to receive that first round invite in my inbox. A couple even took me up for an office tour after the chat. My BEST chat even invited me to happy hour later that night. Safe to say that one led to a referral.

Cheers 🥂

- Jack

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